Don’t procrastinate.  If I could offer you only one tip for your career at Penn, not procrastinating would be it.  The short-term catastrophic consequences of procrastinating are being proven everyday by your fellow stressed-out classmates who are ready to cry like a baby at the thought of end-of-term exams and papers, whereas the rest of this very short list of suggestions are partly cribbed from Baz Luhrmann’s “The Speech Song” and partly based on my own meandering experiences. 

Choose your classes wisely.  Don’t be afraid of English if you’re a math major, or math, if you’re an English major.  Keep an eye out for classes that are worth taking, not just the classes that take the least time.  The more you challenge yourself, the more you will realize how many possibilities lie before you, and how much more intelligent you are than you had thought.

You are not as [insert adjective here] as you think.

Study abroad.

Go to Penn events and be greedy about student discounts, especially at restaurants and cultural venues.  Unless you are planning on becoming a professional student, student discount is one of the greatest advantages you will ever have in life.  Think of Penn as an exclusive club – with free or discounted athletic games, concerts, gym membership and classes, and access to a kick-ass library.

Sleep.  A lot more.

Find your soul mate.

Just kidding.

Be considerate to people around you and try to remember that there is a reality beyond Penn.  Specta Guards, security officers, and cafeteria workers are here to provide us with a comfortable learning environment and it’s a luxury, not our birthright, to be provided with these resources.

Trick or treat at Amy Gutmann’s house once, but leave before you get sick from ingesting all the sugar and the alcohol that your friends snuck in.

Go to the Penn football and basketball games once, but don’t leave before you throw the toast or do the “whoosh” thing with your fingers.

Maybe he’s on the Facebook, maybe he’s not.  Maybe you’re on the Facebook, maybe you’re not.  Maybe you’ll get poked by the annoying guy from Econ, maybe you’ll find your long-lost identical twin by going through the Facebook four times a day.  Whatever you do, don’t forget that there is a thing called reality and the Facebook is no more than a handy contact information resource – not a way to scare the crap out of your crush by stalking his every move.

Annoy the UA by signing petitions against what they want to do when possible.

Don’t feel intimidated if you don’t have a resume filled with internships at The New York Times, working as a research assistant in Madagascar, and spending a summer in Afghanistan as a Red Cross volunteer.  Everyone at Penn strives to be impressive – you are here because you are impressive in your own way.  Do what you feel that you need to do, not what someone else’s summer experiences make you think that you need to do.

Get along with your roommates.  You never know if they’ll turn up in one of your classes at some point.

Recycling on Penn campus is a lie.  Do something about it.

Take a chance.

Everything you do has its price.  Work, class, friends, dating, partying, clubs, sports, politics, dinners, coffees, lunches, reading, concerts, games, TV, movies, drinking, passing out, midnight ping pong, being in student performance groups, going to student performing group performances, residential programs, community service, family: you will never be able to do everything at once, and if you try, you’ll find that you’ll do everything only half as well as you can do than if you make a commitment.  Or end up passing out during an exam worth 40% of your final grade.

Accept certain inalienable truths: you need sleep, not caffeine; there are always more things to do than the time you have to do them; and the SAS webmail server and Blackboard website will be down, usually at the most inconvenient times for you.  When you feel like you’re utterly overwhelmed and failing at the game of college life, remember Green Day: “For what it’s worth, it was worth all the while.”

A wise man once told a wise man who told me: procrastination and masturbation are a lot alike – in the end, you’re just screwing yourself.

So trust me on the not procrastinating.