Long distance relationships in college: myth or reality? It’s a good question, seeing as it always seems to pose a problem for some as they leave their high school sweethearts, go abroad or even transfer. Even if it hasn’t affected you yet, I am sure that it will sometime in the near future, or your roommate will wake you up at two AM with teary eyes and a ton of stories.

And I’m not just sitting here talking from an outsider’s point of view. I too am in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend, Megan, goes to the University of Michigan, in a land far, far away from here. We have been going out for a long time now—almost three years—longer than many people are together before they get married. So far, things seem to be working. We are still together and plan to stay that way. But I am not going to lie; it has been really difficult. It’s difficult to find time to interact, and we do occasionally fight and yell—mostly because we aren’t seeing each other. It’s sad, yes, but eventually I get to see her, and all is well. We didn’t even start college with the decision that we were going to remain exclusive. However, as time went on, we just fell back into this relationship Based on my positive experience so far, I would like to call myself a believer in long distance relationships..

On the contrary, there are an overwhelming number of people who are overtly against long distance relationships. One freshman told me that they are to be “avoided them at all costs. The inability to talk directly to my girlfriend or be with her would sadden me every time that I’d think of her.” When pressed further, I learned that these thoughts most likely arose from his fear that the relationship would “become one sided.” Seth Shapiro, a junior in the college, agreed with this freshman.  He said: “I personally do not feel long distance relationships work and would never look to get involved in one if I could control it. One of the best things about being in a relationship is the comfort of having that person in your presence and being able to interact with them one on one. However, if there are couples out there that can make it work, I give them a ton of credit and praise their efforts. I just know that personally I would have to be head over heels for this person for it be worth my while.”

One sophomore who wishes to remain nameless (for good reason, as you will soon see) had only bad things to say about long distance relationships: “I don’t believe in them. Too much work and no play if you know what I mean.” Insensitive as it sounds, this is actually the common belief for many of the male (and female) students on campus. If they aren’t getting any, then it’s not worth their time. It’s college, right? The time to experiment? The time to get shitfaced one night and end up in a one night stand, or, for the more adventuresome, a lesbian ménage à trois? I have heard interesting stories about what people do to experiment during their college years—why would anyone want to ruin it with a boyfriend or girlfriend a few hundred miles away? A freshman in nursing, Sarah Gearhart, stated similar beliefs:  “I know from very recent experience that they don't work unless both people really, truly desire to make them work. They may not be the best choice for college students because we're so young, and we need to have more experience with relationships as opposed to committing to one person so early on.” Yes, it’s far from the outrageous sexcapades I listed, but she seems to agree with this lack of commitment.

Maybe people are just afraid to commit. It’s a difficult thing, especially when we are so young. This isn’t the nineteenth century, and no one wants to be married off at 18. It’s a weird position to be in to think that this is the last person you are going to fall in love with, and possibly the scariest thing, that this is the last person you are going to have sex with. I think that is what scares us the most—the fact that the possibilities for our next great lay to be around the corner have ended.

The prevailing wisdom seems to indicate that whatever the sex is like with that person, it is going to be that way forever—so it better be good. But this seems to be getting ahead itself. How did a long distance relationship suddenly become equated with marriage? Well, as Matt Difrancesco, a freshman in engineering said,“it’s simple.” “It’s a commitment. A really tough commitment that takes a lot of work.” People are afraid of it because in order for a long distance relationship to work, they have to give a lot to it. If they have to give so much to it, then it is obviously supposed to go somewhere (possibly marriage); but, if it isn’t, then it’s just a waste of time. And no one likes to waste time. No one likes to work either. It seems like a lose-lose situation.

Long distance relationships take time and energy. A lot of energy. So now you may be asking yourself why I am not running for the hills. I too am afraid of commitment at times, it’s true. I have been through a lot of things in my head and have had to battle through difficult times with my girlfriend, but we know in the end that it’s best for us to be together. That is what counts.

That is what it comes down to—what is best for the couple. Seth Shapiro, the junior I mentioned before, also happens to be abroad in Spain this semester. While he personally, as his statement suggests, is not in a long distance relationship, he has a few friends over there who are. Seth told me, with respect to his friends, that “the response has been varied. I have one friend who chose not to go abroad for this reason among others of course. I have another who is keeping up the relationship just fine through constant communication, and I have yet another friend who was having issues with the relationship he had started before he left.” The gist, in his words: “therefore, it really depends on the nature of the relationship and the future shared by the two.”

Indeed, it’s all about who is in it. A sex-craved maniac isn’t going to last long in a long distance relationship, but a diehard monogamist will do just fine. The key thing is “that people have to really want it to make it work”, as freshman in the nursing school, Dave MacPhearson, stated,

"There does seem to be a few people who share my apparently idealistic view. Some people believe that things like long distance relationships can work. Some people believe in true love and aren’t scared by commitment. Some people don’t guide themselves only by their sexual organs. One senior, who wished to remain nameless, too embarrassed by defying the mold, said that he “believes undoubtedly that long distance relationships can work.”

Do I believe in true love? Sure, why not? Am I scared of commitment? No, not anymore. Do I guide myself by my sexual organs? Hell yeah, but I know when to keep it in my pants. That is what I think is the most important thing—the ability to hold back when tempted. Temptation will arise.  What you do when it happens will define whether or not you can be in a long distance relationship. As Shira Bender, a junior in the college, tells us “long distance relationships are a good idea for some, but not for all. They can be done if they have a high level of maturity and self confidence.” In the end it’s a very personal decision, and one which can have a lot of different outcomes.  Fortunately for me, I feel I’ve been through the worst, and I have made mine.