POINT

What is love? I was encouraged not to write about my girlfriend of three years in this article, but screw it, it’s what I know. Luckily for all of you, as much as I cherish love, I do not have a very mushy-gushy view of it. While my girlfriend might say that “Love is the unity of two hearts beating together as one,” I, on the other hand, think that quite simply: “love is war.”

I don’t mean to make love sound bad; I just think that, from what I know from my relationship and others, love is fighting and love is pain. And that’s healthy – truthfully.

The couples that are in trouble are those that seem too perfect. This just translates into either a) a lack of comfort with each other or b) the guy hasn’t gotten into the girl’s pants yet. The couples that you see fighting are those that are going to last. They are comfortable enough with each other to let each other know they feel. But fighting is OK. It shows growth. It shows love. There comes a point in every relationship where there is a switch from friendship to being in love: that begins when the fighting starts.

“Love and hate are two horns on the same goat.” I don’t know where that came from, but it damn well fits my interpretation. Again, I am not bashing love. I think love is great; I am in love. I just think that love isn’t all ponies and rainbows. Love is fighting; fighting lets you know it’s real.

So for all of you out there on Valentine’s Day looking for love, I leave you with this: don’t be afraid to fight. If it’s truly love, then the fight isn’t going to kill you. And if it does, it’s not meant to be. I don’t mean to sound like I know everything. I don’t. I just hope I’m right about this – or else my girlfriend is going to kill me.

Benny Laitman

Assistant Editor

COUNTERPOINT

My editorial cohort says that “love is fighting and love is pain.” Excuse me for being optimistic for just a moment, but I have to say I completely disagree. Sure it’s cool for us writers to go against the grain; we never want to seem cliché or “mushy-gushy,” as he put it. But is it really so bad to actually believe there is such a thing as happy, peaceful love? Just because a couple fights doesn’t mean they’re not in love; but it sure as hell doesn’t mean they are. Fighting doesn’t let you know anything is real. Much as it might indicate emotional involvement, it says nothing about how healthy or positive those emotions are. 

But that’s not the bone I want to pick. My real gripe is in the misguided attempt to define love in the first place.  As young adults, we experience love in a very skewed way. We’ve got hormones raging, professors throwing Shakespeare and Nietzsche at us, and everyone throwing themselves at each other. Some of us have been in the “long-term” relationship for years, while others tend to skip between them every month or so. None of us are married yet (aside from that ultra-religious friend you have who scares the shit out of you), and none of us are truly qualified to comment on what love “really” is, much as we all try to.

I’m not saying we can’t be in love. But to get to the point where you can actually opine on what love “means,” you need more years to experience it. Not to be patronizing; I direct this at myself as well. I think we all need to stop trying to be little philosophers, and just keep living.

So, no, love is not war. Then again, love isn’t peace, either. It’s something that too many people try to define. No one really cares what love “is”; they just want to find it.

Shira Bender

Editor-in-Chief