We at First Call are seeking well-written commentary pieces that appeal to an audience that is both over-educated and over-caffeinated.  Between bemoaning urban decay in the DP over a morning cup of coffee and spending late nights reading Quake in a lonely bathroom stall in the Quad, Penn students need something to read and spill sushi on.  This is where First Call steps in.  Writing for First Call means producing not only a quality, well-researched piece that entertains, shocks, argues, exposes and persuades, but one that does so in style. 

Whether you’re an art buff, politico, fashionista, critic, news junkie, techie or exceptionally articulate nut job, First Call wants to hear from you.  What’s happening?  What’s cool? What sucks?  What is wrong with IMF policy in the Third World? Who is John Galt? What university policy is corrupt? Who is that leather-clad man Amy Gutmann keeps locked in her basement?  We want to know what’s going on. Everywhere.  But more importantly, we want to know what you think about it.   Look around your world, take a deep breath and express yourself at the top of your lungs.  What follows is a brief guide to getting your ideas from your cranium to our desk and ultimately onto the front page.

Good topics are, first and foremost, original – and hard to come by.  When looking for something to contribute to First Call, try to brainstorm things that are familiar to you, but may be relatively unknown to the university at large.  Maybe you have a favorite movie director from the 1950s who gets short shrift.  Perhaps a pundit made a jab at your favorite senator.  Read any good books lately?  How about shitty ones?  Try to think of a question you’d like to answer or a claim you’d like to validate or disprove.  Do puppies cause cancer?  Is cycling doomed to be corrupt as a sport?  What the hell is this growth on my neck?  Choose something that you feel strongly about and try to prove a point. Specify your tone:  are you angry, happy, depressed, critical, doubtful, approving, shamed, resigned or frustrated? 

Example: I am angry that anybody would start a rumor about Amy Gutmann having a personal human sex toy wrapped in latex and locked in a box in her basement.  The person who started that rumor should be keelhauled and staked to College Green as an example. 

Now you’re ready to write.

Almost.  First you have to look into your topic a little deeper.  Research is nearly always necessary.  Start with Google to get the gist of an issue or query and then expand and refine your search for concise, reliable sources.  Wikipedia is not a reliable source.  Try Lexis Nexis, Jstor or the websites of random nut jobs, if the topic is appropriate.  If you have a nut job professor, try talking to him for a memorable quote.

If you can find a lot of good info about a topic, but little writing has been done, you’re golden.  Politics and general news tend to be the most hackneyed topics, so try to think outside of the page!  If an issue has been beaten to death, either try to think of a new angle, or try something new entirely.  Whatever the case, don’t be discouraged if it takes a little time and effort to come up with something worthwhile.  We believe in you.

After you have your brilliant burst of inspiration, the next step is to calm down, drink some water and compose a succinct email to the appropriate First Call editor.  If you’re not sure who that is, just pick your favorite or email the fcpaper@gmail.com address.  We’re all friends.  In the email, it’s important to express clearly what you’re writing about, what your angle is and why this is relevant.  Try to sift through all the possibilities and come up with a focused central point. 

Example: Last week an anonymous writer with an inappropriate sense of humor indecently maligned our beloved university president with an unsubstantiated rumor about a slippery latex man trapped in her basement.  In keeping with the continued furor across campus, I think that an article expressing both the absurdity of the accusations and the dangers of unregulated amateur journalism would be pertinent and well-received. 

Upon receipt, the editor will review the suggested topic and then get back to you, but regardless of a positive or negative response, the editor will always respond and will try to give constructive advice.  Don’t be afraid to send twenty ideas or to insist on the relevance of your topic.  We don’t bite hard enough to leave permanent marks.  If the idea is accepted for publication in the immediate future, the editor will electronically pat you on the back and set up a preliminary deadline for a draft.  You’ll have a generous period of time to further explore your topic, interview people who may provide you further illumination, and compose your argument.  The editor will review your draft, edit for content and grammar, wrap it in saffron and rose petals and put in a fresh issue of First Call.

If this whole process seems cumbersome and unnecessary to you, being the free thinking literary wunderkind that you are, don’t fret.  First Call will also review and comment on any unsolicited material that is sent in.  Good writing is good writing, and we’ll take it any way we can get it.  Just throw us an email with an attachment and an explanation. But before you do, you just better ask yourself, “Do I feel lucky?” Well, punk. Do you?

Columns are given to writers who have shown exceptional quality, consistency and dedication to First Call.  A columnist is typically an upperclassman who has been a regular contributor and has an idea for an extended series of articles that treat a specific field of knowledge from their particular angle.  Ex: Jessica Simpson’s food column Chicken or Tuna? which explores common kitchen mishaps due to ambiguous labels on a weekly basis.  Columns are a brutal meritocracy ruled by shameless social climbing, backstabbing and personal editorial preference.  The Eds will notify potential candidates about the application process, but if you have an incredible idea that simply must be a column, by all means, email it in and we will dutifully respond yea or nay.